The last few weeks have sorta knocked it out of me. The realisation of massive changes and the fact that nothing can be done to stop them.
This month saw me finally clearing the last shackles from my parents house and take the last load to the tip. Watching the house drip our past into such places is a bit of a rum doo. I would go and tell my Dad all, it is easy to now as he has succumb to Alzheimer and is not really caring. But we do hit a wee spark every now and then, and funnily that seems acceptable.
I found a newspaper cutting from 1991 reporting on my Dad getting his degree in Maths. I remember it well. I packed up some of the things my Dad had started but never finished, all these new projects to prove that he was not loosing it. He would continually joke, but I remember the fear in his eyes when we spoke about his illness, the sad look in his eyes as he scans the photographs in the house. In a way he is now not living with his mistakes and they now sit unresolved. It could be a blessing, I don't know. He has no apparent fear now but since he is now kept in Viewforth his skin has started to ashen and build more character. After many years of looking after his fitness, running to the dump and back to pass the time the 58 year old looking funny Englishman is rapidly sprinting to look 70.
He had a hard upbringing, we made it hard for him too, my Mam was not well so he had to look efter her and when she passed in 1997 it seemed to be a trigger for him to let go a bit. He tried to get the house in order.
In the near future when the house down Burgh Road is sold I will complete the Shetlopedia page on it. It only seems fair to wait for now.
Looking back now I feel many things, but the one thing I feel the most is some regret. I will not list it cos it is generally yhe same for most folk.
My Dad has sorta passed on, we are now just saving his dignity, and hoping for a modicom of my Dad to come back for a wee while, probably to satisfy our own fears.
Look after yourselves and others..
Is it not gorgeous to know (or have known) gorgeous people....?